Just Pass Me By

Okay I just don’t get it. How do I not take it personally, when I am hearing it a personality conflict. It make me feel like their is something wrong with me, consistently being rejected by companies. I know they didn’t say it was a personality fit with the company but with my long term goals. To be honest I am not sure how it’s a personality conflict if it’s that I actually have a goal in life that more then sitting on my behind at a disk taking phone calls. Yes I want to go back to college and get my degree then move on to my master program. Gee you would think a company would want someone with a long term goal but I guess not.
I have no clue how to interview well with these people, if you say you have no goals then they don’t want to hire you, because you have no outlook or ambition. If you say you have goals because you won’t die with the company years later they don’t want to hire you. I have been asked question why I have went to college and not completed, it’s like because my family and I have had a few struggles and I have had to take time off of college, it’s like I am a quitter, which I am not. Yes I drop out of Bible college several years ago, and honestly I never tell interviewers why I drop out because frankly the reason why would really cause me to be looked over even though it been dealt with and what happened wasn’t my fault.
The second time I took time off my husband and I both lost our assignments and weren’t going to met rent unless I were to help pay it. Sorry school or have a roof over head, I will choose the roof over head. The first college experience was horrible, and frankly I would never go back to Bible college.
I learned some real true hurtful things, and lets just put it this way if that their G-d no thanks….. You don’t blame someone who’s been harmed by what happened to them, even if they brought it on themselves because they where simply to trusting. Also you don’t tell your students your to stupid to learn anything, or G-d can never use them because they are not talented enough. Yes I had to drop out, it wasn’t a healthy environment for me, and frankly by the time I left that school I had no confidence. When I meet my husband by much encouraging from him, I went back to school. He has been my G-d send because he been there for me, he tutored me in English which I struggle with and help me be able to see things in a different way. At my new college I have managed to get mostly A and B with a C or two and a D in one class. But I have done well with this type of learning because it independent learning which is good for me.
Before I can go back to school I have to pay them from when I took time off unexpectedly. I didn’t plan to take time off and been wanting to go back for months. I have attempted to make payments but making those payments don’t come easy, when suddenly you find out, your going to be with out a job.
One good thing has came out of this time of waiting, it looks like the company I am on assignment with wants to keep me long term, yes I hate what I am doing but on the other hand it will allow me to pay my college shortfall and then I can get back to college and take the rest of my classes I am 14 month away, and as long as my husband stays working I can do it finally.
I am trying to be positive. I know many people have tried telling me to sell stuff, well I am not a sales person. I have tried it in the past and fall flat on my face, so I know this isn’t a good career option, what I really want to be doing is helping people. Hopefully one day I will get to that point.

Today I finally decided it was time for me to fill up my van. Not a fun thing but I didn’t spend as much money as I thought I would need to or my husband. I put 23.00 in and my husband put a other 23.00 so that was just 46.00 bucks normally my gas will last me 2 weeks if I only drive it to where I work, still a lot more then what I want to put in my tank.
I have been put on a assignment where I have worked before, I lift Friday early thinking I would fill up the tank on my way home but then after I started toward home I saw the gas price at the nearest gas station and decided not to run to the one hubby and I sometimes use because I didn’t want to run late.
I take the bus to meet him before services on Friday night and we go out and have dinner together.
Today we where talking about my van troubles, and how my muffler after my 3rd paycheck will need to be fixed first. It got some issues that is getting worst and making driving the van sometimes challenging the new thing is for some reason it just simply loud. I have to get work done on the front end. To bad the can can’t be like dell memory simple to put into the right place. Nice thing about memory chips in computers if you now what your doing it a pretty simple thing to do. I wish I had a garage and all the right tools to fix the muffler but hey I am not a wielder or anything close to that so I will have to have one of my mechanic friends do it for me. I can do a regular tune up on the van but even that would be a chore.
I don’t even want to begin to think about how much fixing the cat back is going to cost me, I already know that the tie rods and right hub center need to be replace and that is looking at close to 300 or maybe 400 depending on how many problems there are for the mechanic to do.

Today at work, I was thinking about some things that have bugged me but I never really say they bugged me. I have told my husband how I feel but honestly I just don’t think he gets it. I love my husband and right now he is the one who getting a lot of my frustrations taken out on him. Sometimes he does stupid things which most men do with out even thinking about it.
Seriously I have way to much time to think on this type of job. My radio battery dead which means that I didn’t have much to listen to just the machines all around me. Well I started thinking this is a bad thing, sometimes I think I should not be allowed to think at all.
I started thinking about the times one of my temp companies would call my cellphone for my husband who has his own cellphone. Normally I’d hear we have a job for him, or whatever. I have asked them if they lift him a message. Even my Rabbi called my phone for my husband to offer my husband a job.
I have started to feel like everyone is calling me for my husband but no one wants me. Don’t get me wrong I don’t have a problem with our Rabbi calling my husband on my phone, or calling it to give my husband a job. I don’t mind but at the same time it makes me look at me and start feeling, well like a less then desirable person.
When the temp companies have called for him this makes me feel annoyed because they are using my cellphone minutes and not calling me for my own employment assignments. There are other things going on between hubby and I, but that not important. This probably isn’t important neither, I just feel like I am in my husband shadow, and that people really don’t see that much value in me.
I consistently hear from him or other what a great job he doing or what he accomplished, while I am sitting her struggling to find a job which wants me. Sometimes people will say oh I thought your husband did this or that, I didn’t realize you did too. I am not saying I want to compete with my husband but for once I would like to hear something positive about what I have done, or something other thing a comment about my voice by a certain few people who sometimes make me feel like that’s the only quality they see in me.
What I do not get is why call me and ask me if this is something my husband would be interested in. I am not in his mind,I can’t read his mind, and nor can I make any decisions for him. If they honestly think he would be a good fit for a job then they should call him and talk to him about it, and not me.
I am not upset with Rabbi call because Craig changed his number and never gave it to our congregation, so I was the easiest way for Rabbi to get a hold of him. I don’t mind if I am with my husband and someone calls for him, but I figure if he isn’t with me, wouldn’t it be best to call him on his cell and leave him a message.

Tonight my husband and I decided to go out to eat, I have pretty much cleaned my house for this coming week. So honestly I didn’t want to do a whole lot of cooking. My husband decided to treat us to Falaffel King tonight. This is a very nice little restaurant. The dance came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance with her. Well today it’s been like I have had 2 left feet and frankly there were a lot of people there and I am not that outgoing. I am fairly shy in groups. We really enjoy the Falaffel King wait staff is good, and always courteous to us. Probably a good thing I didn’t go up and dance with her probably would have broken something or hurt her.
Tonight I was sharing with my husband a dream I had last night. We where working on a project in the dream with some shelves that just wouldn’t stop moving. Maybe it a resemblance of how I feel lately with work. I was speaking with my hands which I often do. Sometimes it gets me in trouble expecially when I have my glass in front of me! Well I ended up wearing my Dr. Pepper. Oh no, thank goodness it not cold our now.
My husband caught our waiter attention he came over right away, and I ran to the bathroom. Don’t worry wasn’t going to cry over spilled pop. Sticky it may be but it no crying matter, took some of there paper towels to try to dry my pants off as much as possible. By the time I got back they had cleaned the table, and one of the busboys was taking care of the seat for me. I was going to just throw my jacket over it I figure my miss so clean it up.
They have the nice cushions on their booths they are comfortable maybe not as comfortable as an adjustable beds but they are comfortable. The young man brought out a couple of towels for me to sit on. My husband ended up being some lift over homes tonight to, he order some Falaffel. Even through the wait suggested I try their chicken Pita. Normally when I go out to eat at unique places I don’t eat Chicken. I get plenty of Chicken and it nice changing my diet a little. I had order their Falaffel Pita which was yummy! I telling you I didn’t even need their dipping sauce it would be good on it own. This is one of the few places I will eat the Tomatoes normally I don’t like anyone tomatoes but what I grow on my own.
They have wonderful Customer service at Falaffel King and my husband and I look forward to our next visit. It fun watching their dancer dance, I can’t say my husband watches them dance, but I know I do.

Otis was missing all day yesterday, I heard him meowing through out the day but could not find him. I checked his closet that he often goes through but it was nice and tightly shut. My husband had lift for work already, so I really didn’t worry a whole lot. I could tell Otis was somewhere in the apartment but couldn’t find him. I was figuring he just hiding in one of our closets in the bedroom, and will come out when he wants to.
I looked for him in the office, and under his two chairs he like hiding in. I looked in my bathroom still couldn’t find him. I quickly looked in my closet, and didn’t see him but figure he was hiding behind my wedding dress which he often does. I wasn’t to worried and just figured he was looking for attention because that was his meow sound. It wasn’t the help me type of meow. Otis has a loud meow, almost like having a Bose home theater in my apartment when he wants to be heard.
Well I lift to go met my husband, have dinner and then go to service. I wasn’t worried about Otis, figure when we got home he would be at the door waiting our arrival. We got home around 10pm last night and no cat at the door. This is unusual for Otis, well my husband and I came in and started situating ourselves for the night. I heard Otis meow again, so I called him and put fresh food knowing that normally will get him out of his hiding place, he just kept meowing.
Now I am like I hear him meowing but don’t see him. My husband didn’t realize where Otis was when he in the morning for work. I walked over to the closet thinking well, he gotta be somewhere where it wouldn’t be easy for him to get out. I open the closet door in the hall way, sure enough the cat was laying on top of my clean towels. Which is no where near to the door knob in the closet and Otis isn’t a small cat that could fit himself between the shelves and the door. So poor cat was trapped in the closet from when my husband closed that door. He didn’t look in the closet because he said it was dark when he closed the door. So seems like one of us opened it didn’t latch the door all the way, and hubby didn’t think about turning on a light to make sure Otis wasn’t in the Closet. My husband did feel bad about the cat being in the closet all day. I feel a little guilty but maybe the cat will learn a lesson of I don’t belong in the linen closet.

I have lived with asthma which sometimes can cause a lot of problems for me. A few years ago when it was at it worst, I had to be on FMLA in order to keep my job. I had another friend who I had advise to get this because she had worst and more medical problems then I. FMLA is Family Medical Leave Act, my boss advise me to do this because she didn’t want to fire me and I had already missed almost all my absentees for the year. At the time I had fairly good health benefits, and had a very low co payment.
My best friend has Fibromyalgia it is very hard for her, she also has a lot of other medical problems. She like me works, and tries to keep her Health Insurance through her company because not many insurance companies want to cover preexisting conditions. Some companies will require you have them for a year before they deal with the preexisting conditions. Her like me when times where hard tired to get help through the state but never could seem to get on health insurance, because we where able body and where earning a little bit of money each month just enough to not be able to get their help.
Health problems is something people have to deal with, and go through. My husband parents have problems due to aging, they are covered by Dad old job Health insurance and medicare I am glad they are cover by that I am not sure if it is medicare part d or what it is.
Right now even through I have job that offers health benefits, I am not working so I am not getting those benefits which means, I can’t deal with my asthma with meds. I know there are many commercials out there if you can’t afford your meds we will help you. Well that great if a person can see there doctor.

Otis is a rescue cat which I got through the Human Society here. Otis lived through some very unfair things. When I first got him he was scared of his own shadow, and would hide all day. Most of my pets have been the one that people would say they are bad pets.
It took Otis about 2 years before he even would seat in my lap, he would only come to me when I was sleeping. Anyone who knows me, know don’t touch me when I am sleeping. Thank goodness the cat never learned that lesson, he would always jump between my feet and trap my feet. When I had company expecially males Otis would hide and not come out, with women he would hide but eventually would come out and find out who they where.
We had a neighbor friend with a small dog who used to always cry when his master was gone. I ran into him on the elevator, and asked him why his dog was always crying and if he was beating the dog. His dog was one of the sweet little guys. Got a long great with Otis which was a surprise. The dog owner and I became friends, I guess he liked the quality I had in asking him if he was hurting his dog. I ended up baby sitting the dog when he went out.
We often hear about dogs attacking people or watch tv shows with people harming there pets just for the hell of it. I honestly do not believe a dog who ends up being a difficult dog is it’s fault, personally I would give blame to the owner. The owner either played with the dog roughly, or trained it to attack. When the dogs play biting it shouldn’t be allowed, it should be discouraged. Little kids are often bite by dogs because they are just playing and probably didn’t mean to bit that badly.
When we take in pets it is our responsibility to take care of them, to provide for their needs.
Today I was watching Animal plant, they had a show about elephants who where sent to a rescue or something. They showed video footage of one elephant who was at least 2000 pounds under weight. That is a lot of weight for a big animal like a elephant, I was relieved to find out that it wasn’t her owner fault that she was so sickly looking. The poor thing had a digestive problem, which was causing her to have problem with keeping on weight that she needed.
Then they showed 2 other elephants, this beast have memories, and remember people, and other elephants. The older elephant started screaming, they found out later the young elephant and this older one where close friends many years ago. It is amazing how elephants take care of each other and are protective of their family be it adopted or their real family. Personally I think some people could learn from the elephants. Although they are not as forgiving when it comes to messing up with them.
Before this there was a show on about Gorilla . I know the people who run it can’t intervene with everything but I have to say that I didn’t agree with them leaving the little to be picked on by a bunch of adult Gorillas. By the time they finally moved her with the infants the poor thing had little confidence but also rebounded pretty quickly. I think in the end of the show they had the younger Gorilla would have one area and become a family unit and the adult Gorillas would have their space and continue being a family. The problem with rescue places for Gorillas and other primates is that they like humans work in a family group, and have a wide range of ages within their groups. When they are captured they may ended up with a bunch of adults and a baby, who isn’t strong enough to deal with the adults, and really needs younger ones to play with and interact with, and needs the socialization.
This caretakers did a good job on taking care of the little ones and you could tell those little gorillas really did cling to the owners, they felt safe. One of the little one would run up to the man and claim her territory on him, should would hang on his leg.
The gorilla homes where great for them, but honestly there wasn’t enough large leaf plants which most gorilla use in the rain forest to keep them dry but other wise it was a good nice little place for them, maybe they think their home is like Pigeon Forge cabin rentals

We can run late but you can’t! I think this is a double standard, I can’t even begin to tall you how many of my interviewers have been late. I know it is not good being late, and I don’t think it should be looked kindly upon. When interviewing for a position it is very important to be there on time and if you can do it be at least 10 minutes early, if you have to fill out paper work be at least 30 minutes early.
Normally when I know I will have to fill out a application I will give myself a half hour, this way I can write neatly. When nothing being filled out I try to show up early, I believe this looks good on me and may help me get a better job. I have done a lot of interviewing lately, I should be a expert by now.
The hardest question for me is what would other coworkers say about you, or what are your weaknesses. I would hope my coworkers would say kind things but I know my coworkers from large companies would say I am fairly shy. They would also say I am a hard worker and have good leadership skills. I am fairly shy, when I do not know anyone and I have a hard time dealing with large groups, so normally I tend to prefer smaller offices. Problem with smaller offices most people have friendships and are pretty tight neat and sometimes personality wise it is hard to get a job.
Since interviewing with the temp companies, I am not sure what people want. I have heard often well it’s just not a match personality wise, or some other thing. Sometimes I feel like asking them How would you like my personality to be, maybe I can emulate it.
Finding a job sometimes is like finding hotel deals you have to keep looking until you find the best one.

This morning we woke up with a note slid under our door, from management. I guess this is just some more bad news for my husband and I to have to deal with. They have decided to raise the price of washing and drying 25 cents each. That will be 3 dollars a load washing and drying both, which isn’t good but it could be worst because I have a few friends who pay more for laundering their clothes then we do but still this is just another increase that we have to compensate for.
When my husband and I go grocery shopping we are spending way more then what we used to. For the same items. I used to be able to get way with 70 bucks for 2 weeks. Now we are lucky if our bill is less then 70 a week, most weeks it at least 80 bucks just to get what we need for that week. Gas in the car, well I almost don’t want to go on job interviews now because I am worried about having enough gas to get me through till payday, because I am starting to feel going for something that turns out unfruitful isn’t wise. If I do not get the job I used gas which could possible get me to a job interview that would be fruitful. I am like in a rock in a hard place because right now with the cost of gas I have to be extra careful.
The only thing that hasn’t changed for most of my friends is their car insurance but maybe we aught not to count our blessings just yet. Even our over the counter allergies meds cost has increase, the price of cat litter increase with all the increase and barely working enough hours to keep a float, I owe the IRS money. Just lovely.

Over the weekend my best friend decided not to tell her husband where she was going. Normally she’ll tell me when she is going to be doing things, when we hang out. She went to church in the morning, and had lunch with my husband and I and a couple of other people. I had asked her if she was going to do anything later, and she said she go home and do laundry. At around 540 or so her husband called me looking for his wife, wanting to know if she was still with me. We were with an other girl friend at the time, who also knows my friend.
I told my husband that she hadn’t returned home yet and I had Hebrew class, and I had told her that if she wanted she could wait and I hang out with her later after class. My husband told me, she lift before he got back to the table. So we figured she lift at around 230 or so. I told her husband to check in there spear room, and go and look if the car is down stairs. Well it wasn’t he had to call all of her friends. She finally came home after 6pm. After we where all very concerned for her.
I told her husband to have her call me when she gets home because I was going to leave her have it.
Well, tonight my husband decided to make a few stops and not let me know he was making any stops. I thought he just heard me having this same conversation that when your late it makes people worry about it. I always worry about my husband driving home, sometimes he gets slightly distracted and that worries me.
My friend husband likes going out to play poker but at least she knows where he at and roughly when he will be back. I wonder if they play withpoker tables. One important thing in marriage is communication because a lack of it just causes havoc and unpleasant things.