Just Pass Me By

We have a little brown squirrel who keeps visiting, I think he is the same baby squirrel who first started the try to get in to the patio window. Would you believe those things are noisy, and they make sounds almost like a cat fussing about something. He or maybe his mom has been in my potted plants I guess this year we all know why my flowers didn’t grow very well.
Today he was playing on the balcony trying to probably get Otis attention he kept climbing my the patio door on the wall almost walking on the window sail until he falls down. Then he runs up into the tree and cries. Not sure why he running up in the tree screaming or crying but it funny because sometimes it like he is looking right us me or the cat.
Maybe he lonely and wants a free meal which he won’t get. Shoot getting Otis cat food is one cost I don’t mind, but I’m not sure I want to get a squrrel food too. Those think are little pack-rats and probably would eat enough that I would ahve to get horse suppliesfor him. It interesting watch him play around and try to find some mischieft.

Well, maybe I aught to stop looking up when things seem to be going positive. Once again I am with out a job. There must be some kind of cosmic joke that including me right now or something. I only worked one day and they decided gee we don’t really need you. Okay, maybe that little feeling hubby and I both got before hand was a indecator that we shouldn’t have bought what we did so I would be more business professional.
My husband ask me what kindof work I want to do, honestly I am so discouraged right now I am honestly not sure. I am been rejected so much and I am not suposed to lose confidence, well gee I wonder why I have bearly no workplace confidence. It amazing the jobs I have dislike a lot are the ones who want to keep me the jobs I have like they don’t want me.
The sad thing is you’d think I would be able to get a job with all the temp companies I have worked with and they do plenty of employment screening. I am good with computers, and shoot I don’t give up very easily. I guess when I was told the other day let me know what I can do to make you feel more confident was a joke. Maybe I should have said How about don’t let me go after the first day if I don’t get it right away. Or how about please don’t hire me unless you really mean to hire me and keep me long term. I am so tired of being treated like I am disposable, and that it don’t matter who I am or what I can do. I am so tired of this stuff. I am trying to be positive but after 2 years with temping and applying and not getting anywhere I am not sure what I can do anymore.
What do I want to do, where my heart is I need a degree and can’t get that unless I stay in school and find a stable job as a stop gap. At least when I asked if I did anything wrong I was told no, the ceo just decided that the hours where not needed. That’s always nice. Maybe they will actually place me somewhere where I am wanted.

First days are always fun, sometimes they are hard. I was glad the phone were slow there, because if it was busy it probably would have been overwhelming. My first day could have went better but it could have been so much worst then it was. I had a good day, and enjoyed everyone there. I do hope I can remember everyone names and what button they belong to, and who gets what calls. It’s hard, but I have done harder.
Lets see I have never answered phones for more then 10 people, not I am doing it for a entire temp company and there are about 25 to 30 people to remember who they are. I will have to study my phone grid, the phone wasn’t that hard to manage and I did start answering today after a few hours of being there. I actually enjoyed it and liked the young lady I work with, she seems like fun and she mature. Wow this is a difference from the last girl I worked with mostly. I am positive I will never hear about her very personal life, which is wonderful and the way it aught to be.
Lets see I had to go out and get new clothes because I guess I am not business professional enough, thank goodness my husband was able to help me. In suites I am huge, I really gotta lose weight and fast I am tempted to start looking at some diet pill reviews and find a good one. I am so puggy it sicking. I know I am not overly over wieght but I don’t like where I am at. I found a suite I was able to make into 2 sets, so this is good. Wal-mart always got great deals, probably in 3 weeks I will go back and get some more suites probably some pants set before winter hit. I got 2 skirts. Now I have a total of 4 business professional outfits if I mix and match a couple of things.
I don’t work tomorrow but that may be a hidden blessing I just hope this isn’t a sign they going to get raid of me Asap. Since working for my last temp company I have lost a lot of confindence and I think it showed some today even though I tried to hid it. Well, hopefully next time I go in I will feel more confident and it will come out in my voice and face. I know I did a lot of look small in my seat, couldn’t help it.

On friday I got a call for a job interview at a company, I had interviewed for a temp assignment. Well I got a call for a job with that company, not with some other company they would place me at. I had my interview today. I am happy to say I have a part time job with steady hours. I am so relived and happy. I did my interview with 2 people, normally I do not do well with interviewing with 2 people. I get very nervous around that many people and don’t seem to handle being under a magnifine glass with 2 people, and never can think of what to say to their questions.

While talking to them the job  was discribed to me, and I didn’t have to many questions. I saw exactly what the front would be like, because it got busy for them while I was waiting for my second interview, and well answering phones just don’t scare me. It won’t be the most favorite thing every but it be so much better then what I been doing and I won’t hate it with a passion. They seem easy to work with and I am positive I will never have to write again about sexual harrassement and not sure what to do since everyone thinks the behavor okay.

For the first time in a long time I am looking forward to going to work in the money! This is a good feeling and it’s about time something good happens for me.

Today I called my mom to let her know, I received the check she mailed me. She sent us some money for food, normally I will not ask her for help but I really needed help. My husband and I have ended up spending a lot of money on going down to mom and dad a lot, last week we went down, 2 times, and the week before that we went for a few days and stayed in a hotel.
Mom was asking when we would go to Oregon to see her. I told her it be cheaper to come this way where I have a extra room her and her hubby could us. There’d be no hotel cost, and we could easily pick her up from the airport with her hubby, or on the greyhound. It makes no sense that she thinks it be easier for my husband and I to go there then for her to come this way. Last time I went there to visit I stayed in a hotel, back then it was cheap but now it probably like most others out there. I don’t think it will be as expensive as Vegas vacations, but I do know we have the room here and she making right now more money then we are.
Don’t get me wrong I want to see her, but I just don’t see how we can afford to when my husband and I are expected to cover everything on his side of the family. My mom was asking about his sister, and I told mom exactly what I thought and I wasn’t nice about it either. I asked mom to guess how many times you think his sister went to visit mom? She replied 2 or three times. I said Yeah kind of more like only 2 times, you know how often we’ve been down. Mom said we where down there a lot, and she knew it. I told her every weekend except the 2 one for my ankle, and one for my husband care. I been feeling a little upset that every time mom and dad needed something it fell to my husband and I to make sure it was provided. We brought down meals, which I don’t mind doing I love cooking, and shoot I was happy to help. But it would have been nice if his sister would shut the heck up and be helpful.
I am annoyed with how horrible she treats dad and mom when she was a live. She called dad the other day yelling at him because he decided to give the house to someone else to rent. Someone he felt more reliable then her. Which I agree with dad, this young woman who a granddaughter to dad through adoption of their neighbors, will not play games with dad. She won’t expect not to have to pay because they are doing some work on the house which cost money. I don’t have a problem with him choosing this person over his daughter. Why don’t I have a problem, because his daughter, my husband sister has been kicked out of numerous places, and now she being kicked out of another place. Everytime she needed help mom and dad gave it, but it times she got some serious tough love. She will never learn unless she hits rock bottom, frankly her kids would be better off in foster care until she can get her life together. I know this is probably seen as cruel, and uncompassionate, shoot she just lost her mom, she probably loved her in our own way and is grieving which is why she so disrespectful to everyone. Well, she been like this since I have meet her, I was the peacemaker in the family and got my husband to give another chance to her, but how many chances do we give. I feel bad for her children, but there comes a time when the family needs to allow what to happen to happen and help the kids if they need it.
It annoys me, my mom has been more of a help to my husband during this time then his sister. My mom sent money to me and hubby for food. I don’t think his sister should have done that but she should have offered to help take some of the cost of the funeral which was incurred

On Friday we had my mom in law Funeral. It was a hard day. Over the past 2 years my husband and I have felt like we have carried a lot of the weight on our shoulders and haven’t been allowed to show any feelings or emontions. I was annoyed by a couple of things that happened at the funeral but I try to just ignore it. I found out mom had spoke about me often in a very pleasant way. This made me feel good about myself, and I never thought I made that much of a impact to be spoke about.
We met our nephew who was adopted for the first time, he was a sweet young man. I have reservation of the adoptive father and hope their isn’t any truth found it it. Towards the end of the funeral there was a doe watching us. I took that as a Sign from G-d that he had mom, and she was with him. I was stairing off more toward the corner field, and not the pastor even though I was watching him. The doe caught my attention she watched almost the whole time.
I was on my feet a lot longer then I should have been. My acher and ankle was bothering me a little bit. By the end of the night I was at a point of enough is enough, I stood all day and I aint having one more person tell me I am not doing enough for this family, or that my husband hasn’t. My ankle was hurting, I wonder which takes longer what I did or Plantar Fasciitis. I am betting on the later.
We were at one of our family member who lives next door. They are like family, they are a good family and by the end of the night I had snapped at one of them I had never met. I felt attacked and responded after she raised her voice and was snapping. I did the likes of the same. At the end we found out we were both just frustrated with the money aspect of it and feeling guilty on one part and me feeling angry that I was hearing what hubby and I were doing wasn’t good enough. It was building up and it just had to come up for both of us. I am glad her father, who like a son to mom and dad, was able to see what was going on even through his own grief. When we finally got down to everything and got it all out we all felt better and where laughing. On the way back over to their house I saw a frog jumping through the yard, don’t ask me how I managed to see him before stepping on him. I am glad I didn’t step on him. It reminded me of mom story of the frog she burried.

Today was my last day at my assignment. I am kind of glad, I am getting tired of someone turning everything about sex. Today I was talking to one of the girls about pulling someone hair back and told her if you want it to hurt pull it at the nap of the neck. One of the workers walked in on the end of that conversation and made a comment about pulling his backside hair.

What I would like to know is why he feels the need to do this, at first it was funny when he first started this behavorwhen it was 3 or 4 girls. It didn’t bother me so much but know it just me and her, and he worst when I am gone. Probably knows I will tell him something if he continues. The other day when I was gone, she was telling me what he said to her after a religious convention. He had told her he needed to stop saying some of the things he had been saying. He’s a Jehovah Witness. She told him he was being a bad witness. Later when it was just her and I she shared a little more. I asked her if she felt he was more directing the harassment at her, since he is worst when it’s just her.

It is amazing how this guy has yet to learn how to behave properly. He is married and has kids you’d think he’d know how to act. He is older then I too, so he should be at least half as mature as me. I felt like I was in kindergarten today listening to him.

Hopefully I will get a new assignment quickly and won’t have to go back there. I am temped to tell them No thank you, it not the type of work environment I want to be working at. I do not feel comfortable there but when they are the only hours I been getting hard to complain to someone else.