Just Pass Me By

Yesterday my husband and I were talking about what to do about Thanksgiving. It is one of the few Holidays we celebrate, or pay attention too, that not an appointed time. Thanksgiving is one of the holidays I enjoy the most. I love cooking the turkey, stuffing and all that good stuff. This year I will be making some Candy Yams and Stuffing, I am probably not going to do the mash potatoes unless dad would like them. Kind of getting sick of mash potatoes. Having them a lot lately but oh well hubby is a meat and potatoes guy so if it makes him happy let him have it.
Dad had called us while we was in a movie, and after the movie I saw it. Now before we went to the movie we was talking about giving dad a call and inviting him over for Thanksgiving dinner, because it be nice to have him. My husband said we needed to call him this weekend, and see what plans he had. Well after the movie we went and saw and I will say enjoyed, I called dad.
I asked him what was up, and how he was doing. I found out his Insurance has lapsed I have to check her bank sheet from the last account and find out if it was returned to them or if it was taken out and if so why they canceled his car insurance. I won’t be able to get insurance on dad van until the beginning of the month if it’s been canceled. I told Dad we was calling to see if he like to come up to us for dinner, he asked what are you making I told him what my plans are. After about 10 minutes of talking about it, dad tells us well I been asked by the people I live with and I don’t want to tell them no. He didn’t want to upset them because they invited him. Now I am a little bugged by them asking dad if he like Thanksgiving there, before even talking to my husband or I to see if we have any plans with of inviting dad. But I won’t hold a grudge… My husband felt a little hurt and annoyed, and expressed the feeling of “He’s all we have left” Yes dad is all we have lift as far as his side of the family, but we also have Granny. My husband felt family was more important and Dad decision should be easy to pick his family because family aught to come first. Now I know in the past dad hasn’t put the family first when he was drinking and we are worried about him drinking again.
I know dad is hurting because of losing mom, this is his first holiday with out Mom, and it’s going to be hard on him, and frankly I rather have him here and not as a large gathering with a bunch of children since last time they had a large get together dad couldn’t handle it and they called me angry with dad.
After talking to my husband and him expressing some feeling of being hurt by his dad choices, and frustrated with dad. I told him maybe I aught to call Grandma, and have her light a fire under dad ass, Grandma been talking to him since mom dad. Yes his dad is in Grandma age group, but I am not trying to set them up, Grandma is just the greatest person I know to help someone with grief. That friendship for dad came when we was dealing with hospital, and not wanting a psychiatrist deal with dad grief, because they lock him away and take away valuable time to be with mom. I was able to keep dad form doing it and I know granny would be great for him to talk to….
I called granny and explained the situation. I express I was a little annoyed with dad, and that my hubby was feeling hurt by dad picking the people he lives with over the family. My granny told me, tell him “We expect you there”, I was worried being that aggressive with dad would actually cause dad not to want to do anything at all. What are we supposed to say, “We expect you here and we’ll be there at this time because family should come first”. I told granny that I was worried about that approached because wouldn’t he feel we are taking away his free choice. Granny, said then tell him he can stay with his family.. Well that doesn’t work neither when it hurting my husband. I don’t want to hurt hubby. Well after talking to granny for a while, and then talking to my hubby. I told him what Granny had said, and he also agreed with my concerns of being aggressive with dad. Now I know as a power of Attorney, we have some abilities to protect dad, even against his well, but I don’t feel this would constitute as protecting him from himself. Now taking away his checkbook and tell him you not allowed to know any of your banking information other then what you have in the account and if your bills and rent are getting paid. I don’t want him giving out the banking information to anyone not even his landlord live in people. I do not ever want to cross the bridge of having things taken out of that account that should not have been.
My husband and I spoke about what can we say to dad for him to understand, that family should come first. My husband came up with the approach of Dad your all we have lift and we need you. I think this works better because instead of telling Dad he’s doing wrong, it takes the more proactive gentle way with dad. My hubby called back dad, and told dad what he felt, and in the end dad was like I told them we could trade. I’ll see the kids for Thanksgiving, and I can stay here for Christmas. I am glad did that because we do not celebrate Christmas, we do Chanukah and I am not sure how dad will deal with that. Looks like we have dad coming and that what important to us.
I will have to keep a eye on dad and make sure he is safe while living with these people, I don’t have to many concerns and the concerns I have are fairly serious. I don’t think they will physically hurt him, they may lie to people who call for dad to get personal information. I love dad, and I will probably be overly protective of him.