Just Pass Me By

I aught to get homework done but I can’t seem to concentrate. I have so many things on my mind right now. I graduate this weekend from college, and have a couple of class to complete then I will start my masters. I am worried about dad and something which have been said to me by friends and family who have been there done that type of thing. It’s been a rough year and I stuck with college, everyone must think I haven’t had to give u anything because everyone acts like I can complete everything on my own. I have a learning team assignment due by Sunday and a individual assignment due by Monday. I will complete both of them, and be just fine.
I simply feel stressed out and alone lately. I know my husband is there but I can’t really share a lot with him because then he becomes burdened and worried, and it bad enough that I am worried. I guess if I was really honest I don’t feel he been very supportive of me over the last year, he claims he is but I just don’t feel it. Even though I tell him no to cooking dinner it would be nice if he offered it once in a while so I don’t feel like everyone expects me to do it all, because then I choose to do it myself and it on me not on him. Not like skipping a few meals would hurt either one of us but I do it more for dad. Right now if it was just me and hubby than I’d let him go hungry. Maybe I aught to look into clinicallix, I been losing weight but not half as fast as I want to but having late night snacks don’t help, neither does skipping meals.
Maybe I feel much the way I do because of my mother, who told me she be here for graduation but then decided I wasn’t important enough. I have always tried to get my mom favor and her acceptance and make her proud but you know it just simply isn’t going to happen. My mom will never be proud of me, shoot she even told me as a teen she wishes she didn’t have me. Mom and I have healed from the past but she still lets me down, maybe i am still expecting to much from her.
My grandma was going to try to come but her health will not allow her to, which I understand and honestly it doesn’t hurt me. I know when I go down to Illinois and visit her and my uncles, we can celebrate it together, and I know she wanted to come. She feels bad, I wish she could but she can’t. I don’t know if dad will feel up to it.
It feels like hubby would rather not be there. He already offered to work on Saturday for our congregation, after Rabbi found out we’d be at the other building. Hubby claims he did it to get Rabbi to think about other options, Rabbi pretty much told hubby he would not survive it. Tonight hubby comes home and tells me Rabbi wants him at the History Theater at 530, no later. Okay that’s fine it’s over with plenty of times. But then my hubby continues on talking about it and stressing how it important for us to be there at 530. This to me felt like him saying he rather be there then with me. Hmmm maybe graduating from college isn’t that big of a deal, and I am making it a big deal which it seems to be clearly not that big of a deal to people close to me.