Just Pass Me By

Good thing I don’t need to get this done before Sunday or I’d be in trouble. I guess I am just really bother by something going on with dad. I have been told by several people who I have shared with that this is end of life. Not necessarily today, or this week but within a Year to 2 years. Dad has memory problems he has Alzheimer and dementia. Lately dad been telling me mom been visiting him, she’s been sitting on the coach talking to him, about when he ready to go home. I know some of this is due to depression and sleeping more then being awake so he probably confusing reality with dreams. He has a couple times confused me with other people, this doesn’t bug me to much.
The other day I came home and he had told me I been home for an hour. Well I had just got in and stopped at the grocery store before coming home. He told me he saw me wearing my long skirt, okay I wear long skirts but I know I can’t be in two places at once. I wonder if dad was dreaming or actually awake and seeing things. The other day after he came home and went to his room, I found him sitting on his bed talking to someone who wasn’t there. He was looking at the coach and actively appearing to listen, and talk back to the person. I don’t know how to respond so I just walked by and let him be. Now I don’t have water that comes from the refrigerator if I did, I would think about changing the refrigerator water filters to make sure nothing was causing him to see things not really there. Maybe we have a Angel or he’s speaking to ghost which to me is a little more scary then an Angel. I am not scared of Ghost and now they exist, but talking to them about passing away well that’s a little hard to deal with.
I watch my dad die from cancer, watch hubby mom die from cancer, and now it appears I watching dad die from something just about worst then cancer, I think it just as bad. The hard thing is what dad has is taking him away, going to cause him to live in the past and not even realize the present. I know this will get worst overtime, and I know as a primary caregiver both me and my husband and going through a lot of things. Things we probably need to talk about, because it not healthy just leaving it fester and wait until it all explodes.
Dad sometimes gets so cranky, mean and unkind, he gets simply hard to deal with. The other day I got so upset with him, and went to the bedroom just to keep from saying anything to him I’d regret later. I know I shouldn’t let him make me cry because it really not him saying it it’s his illness, but it still stings and hurts sometimes.