Just Pass Me By

I could cry right now, but I can’t because I know Dad will think it’s him. Today been a little bit on the long side and I am feeling mix emotions between sad and angry. Not at anyone but at the situation, I am faced with. Somedays dad doesn’t seem to know who I am, and some days I wonder if he really knows me. Today been one of days he didn’t know who I was, but knew he knew me.
So his question today was Where do I know you from, I told him you knew me for quiet awhile. His response was I just meet you when I moved up here. No, you’ve known me a lot longer then that. So I asked him Who am I. He thought for a while and finally came up your my daughter in law, but he was confused to come up to the conclusion. Maybe I should have told him he found me in the web directories to take care of him. I reminded him of the first day we meet.
Told him, remember you and mom told me if hubby misses up, then you’d adopt me as your own and he couldn’t have me. My heart feels so heavy today, I know there will be more days like this, and I don’t understand why this is not easier to deal with, I understand what going on. I know dad can’t help it, so why is it hurting me. Hell I have a friend from my congregation who says I am her hero, nah don’t think I am very heroic I can’t even let this not affect me and make me feel sad. At least he don’t try cooking, or he don’t smoke anymore so I don’t have to worry about that, I just have to worry about him leaving and getting lost and not remembering who I am. Alzheimer is a ugly thing, it not cool at all takes away who a person is and causes them to be lost. Trapped in a past reality and the people around them suddenly become those of the past reality.