Just Pass Me By

Lately I have had a hard time waking up. I am just tired and feeling unmotivated, but also been getting a itchy throat and wheezy so probably allergies or I am catching what’s going around at work. We’ve had a few people out from illness so I wouldn’t be surprised if my immune system is saying enough already. I am glad dad stop smoking but I think I would have tried
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This morning, I was sadden by the News, before going to work. I love my job I work with children and wouldn’t trade it to do accounting finance jobs which would make a lot more money. A man had murdered his family leaving one child live who was 4 years old. I am hoping he did not kill her mom and siblings while she was in the room. That would damage her for a long time. Then this afternoon I stopped at the gas station and this was a front page story. What I do not understand when I first moved to Minnesota they had some of the best domestic violence laws, and help for victims of this. So I just do not understand how something like this can last for 3 years other then the wife not wanting to press charges. Frankly I think it is time to make a law stating that when abuse is going on the victim should not be the one pressing charges most victims do not want to do press charges. I know when I was in a relationship where I suffered violence I felt responsible, or I felt maybe I could change them from being the way they were, thankfully I had someone from a homeless shelter intervene with one of my bad relationships. I had 2 things playing against me first I watch my mom being abused by the men in her life and us kids too. My mom was too scared to press charges against the men who abused her. When I was twelve I had to run to a neighbors house to call 911 because my mom boyfriend had a gun and was beating her with it. I will never forget that day. I was scared he shoot her, he told me he’d kill me if I left. I did and I was fine got to safety and maybe saved my mom life. My mom stayed with him for seven years and in the course of that relationship started doing drugs and alcohol. Now I knew my mom boyfriend had no rights to do this to her at a young age but my mom at the same time taught me that it’s okay to allow things like this to happen because she stayed in the relationship.
The second thing that was my down falling is believe I could change the person, or they would change because they said sorry. This isn’t the case if someone abusing you, and does it frequently they will not stop. They will continue to abuse you until they can not any longer or until they kill you. I was married before my current husband and my ex-husband tried to throw me in front of a car. I called my grandma and like a idiot went to my mom a party of me wishes I would have went to granny because she would have gotten me help. Plus if one of her guy friends tried to take advantage of me she wouldn’t have it. Instead I went into a unhealthy situation, because I wanted to fix my mom and my relationship and wanted healing there. I ended up in Minnesota after a few months with mom and got right into another bad relationship which made me homeless with the guy. It was at a homeless shelter where I got help that was needed. Yes I was homeless once and I do not look at that as my worst time ever. One of their social workers saw what was going on and reached out and got me into the battered woman shelter here. I learned a lot, and I also learned how to know when a guy is not worth it. My husband know treats me pretty good we have arguments but it never will be physical because my husband knows better. Yes we get made at each other and do stupid things by what we say to each other but he knows to walk away when he mad and is normally the first one to leave. I learned how a man should treat me and that it was okay for me to say no.
We need to do something as a community to stop domestic violence; children should not grow up in that environment. Now I also know men can be abused and we need programs for them to go.

Dad has been very hard to deal with because of his mood swings and disorder. He gets very rude with my husband and I, he yells at us and cusses at me. He says ugly things often without thinking how the other person might feel. It is hard to deal with this on a daily bases. So last night I got annoyed with him because he kept yelling and being unkind and I told him he didn’t have the right to treat me that way because I wasn’t his child. You know my dad would have never spoken to me in the manor dad often feels he can talk to me. I know my dad had cancer which is different then what dad has in some ways I think dealing with my dad illness was easier. Dad no matter was wouldn’t yell at me or take out his problems on me. On the other hand my husband dad yells and gets aggressive with me. He does not get physical if he does then it will be time for him not to be in the home.
Last week at the casino dad decided it was okay to embarrass us at the casino which isn’t good. So this week I told him no casino and he doesn’t like being told no but you know if you treat the driver badly they may not want to take you out. I can’t work fulltime because I have to take care of dad and that all I do is care for him and work 3.5 hours a day so it not easy. I like working and doing things out of the home but often I am bond to stay home. He today has given me the silent treatment. Silent treatments are sometimes nice, maybe I should see if I can find
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On my way home I was listing to the radio station. One of the host was at some high school game over the weekend where the topic came up about men wearing lotion if it was okay. Well I have something to say about this, my husband uses lotion this doesn’t make him any less of a man. Frankly he needs lotion on both is hands and feet, because they get dry and itchy. Why does it matter if a man or woman uses lotion, I rather have smooth soft hands touching me then rough itchy hands. Hands that are very dry are painful so why should my husband suffer from pain because he a man. Sowhat, I think it time we allow men to take care of their body and not judge them for being manly or girly. I mean we wouldn’t even think about it if a man wanted to use a heated blanket during the winter because it extremely cold so who are we to think about what someone should or should not do. If you want to use lotion go for it. There are plenty of non scented lotion.

Yesterday my husband called and lift me a message on my cellphone. There as a fire in our apartment building right next door to us. He was able to get dad, him and the dog out safely but could not find the cat. The fire was contained. Well I tried calling him thinking the fire contained would mean about 2 hours later they should have let him in. Well I got concerned and rather pissed off my cat was left in a burning building. So I drove as quickly as possible with being safe. I found myself going 50 miles a hour on a 35 mile a hour road and decided okay. First there is nothing I can do to save my cat if the fire has spread, secondly they wouldn’t let me into the building anyways. Third well they where out of the building so my husband and his dad where safe and everything in the apartment is replaceable except the cat. I am very attached to Otis. You know I didn’t care if I lost stuff but boy I was upset at the thought of losing Otis. I have had Otis for many years we have been through a lot together. He was my guard cat when I lived in a high rise protected me from some shady creep. He was there when my lowest time happened, and I couldn’t help but worry about the fire spreading, or getting out of control and coming home to no home and my beloved little guy gone.
Well I got home, and saw that it was out, and that damage was not as bad as I thought it could have been. The fire department arrived quickly. You know the fire alarms here go off often, we have gotten to the point of ignoring them. My husband at first ignored it until he heard what he thought at first was wind, and dad thought he heard running water, this is what made them realize what something is wrong here. I am glad that it happened on a weekday, and that my husband was home with dad. I think I would have freaked out if i could not find my father in law. I will say, I think my family will be less likely to ignore a fire alarm in the future. Yes for every 10 fire alarms that go off it seems only maybe 1 is the real thing.
I am glad to say no one was hurt. The worst that happened is a couple of apartments had bad property damage and I hope my neighbors have good insurance. I did find out yesterday what my insurance would cover and I feel a lot better knowing if we ever need it we have it. Something I think would be good to do is make a inventory of all the things of value in the apartment. There are something that will never be replace but if we have a inventory of what we have it easier to get the Insurance company, and it easier to figure out how much help you will end up needing to get back to where you were.
I can be at peace for now. No one was hurt only one cat that i know of got wet but you know i bet the owner would rather have a wet cat, then a dead cat.

This morning I left for church and got on the highway. I do not know where some of these people learn how to merge on the highway but clearly something didn’t work correctly this morning for a few people in front of me. Suddenly I had to slam my breaks on because 2 cars did the same thing. I am glad I have good breaks and pay attention to what is going on in front of me. I have to admit I was a little worried I would be hit and no acne wash would work to fix my car. Well I got into the next lane over and saw the car which caused all the trouble was talking on his cell phone. Now I am not saying cell phone should not be allowed while driving but use common sense if you cannot talk and drive at the same time than do not talk on the cell phone use a little bit of common sense. If you need to talk and can’t drive safely than at least pull over to the side of the road, so other people do not have to have issues because of your slow speed or inability to merge on to the high.
When I got to my exit on to the side street some guy deiced to come blazing out of his drive with out looking. His drive is on a corner, which means you can not see him very easily. Good thing I saw him in time to move to the left lane. I am not sure where people are learning to drive in my state but I think they need to reread the driver manual or something.