Just Pass Me By

I am so frustrated with my job. I am not really frustrated with the hours at work although last week I got 20 hours and this week I got 30 hours, but that because I was just being slow today. I am the type of person who believes that certain things in life should be keep private! I don’t believe in forcing my religion on people but I don’t have a problem with people sharing or me sharing with them. I get a long with just about everyone there. Not a problem. I have decided while working there I would just take Fridays off while in College, but once I can find a better job I will probably work my 40 hours. I don’t know, I sure haven’t work many hours and most my free time is spent on homework.
I was at my work station today, doing my job. I can’t walk, stand, or carry more then 5 pounds. So I am lucky my supervisor is keeping me there right now, since a good portion of the work requires standing and a even better portion requires being able to carry at least 35 pounds from one place to the next. I don’t have a problem with this neither when I am healthy, and everyone has been helping get me the things I need.
So what am I frustrated with, I feel there is sexual harassment there. I don’t feel anyone but me see anything wrong with it, because everyone jokes about it but me, and well I feel uncomfortable. Telling them to not do it, I get responses of turn up your music. Why do I need to hear about people sex life married or single, why must I know how many times in someone marriage they been with their wife or have to hear that question being asked of that person. I just think stuff in the bedroom between a man and woman aught to stay there! Within the last couple of months I said something like, it smells like permanent marker. The guy who works near us said it was his stuff, and I said thanks for sharing. Then he told me I should see his underwear. I wasn’t sure how to respond other then no thank you but I felt annoyed by it and turned up my radio as loud as I could with out hurting my ears because they just kept carrying on.
I don’t know if I am right in feeling annoyed by some of their discussion, and honestly I would talk to my company who placed me, but I don’t want to cause trouble or end up being with out a job. I don’t have a problem with the people I work with other then some of the topics of discussion but when some of the managers speak or act the same way it doesn’t do any good to say anything because then I just look like the squicky wheel.
I don’t mind hearing about going out with people, having fun, but there are just some subjects that aren’t meant to be asked about. It’s not like asking if they haveauto insurance.

This week has been very hard. Started off Sunday with getting a call from my husband dad dad saying mom was in the Hospital. They took her to their local clinic, emergency room and then she was transfered to Rochester. Mom was coughing up a lot of phlem she has Pneumonias, they thought it was that getting worst.
There hospital sent them to Rochester because a spot in her lung had seemed to grow, now we are worried, because things like that aught to not grow.
Monday went okay I guess, nothing real major happened other then waiting for the doctors and they still didn’t know what was happening. Yesterday I should have stayed home and hide. I work in a warehouse kind of mass mail place. I managed to step on some cardboard which slipped and then I tripped I landed on my Knee and jarred my hip. Ouch that hurt, bad enough to keep me down. I didn’t even realized my arm was totally bruised on the top it didn’t hurt until today. I guess that what I get a delayed response. I had to go to the Doctor make sure it wasn’t seriously damaged. We all know wait to long when injured at work you might not get help covering it. My supervisor was worried about my arm a lot more then I was, I didn’t worry, I figured no pain then I am okay.
Yesterday we got a update on mom telling us the spot in her lung had grown, they hadn’t known about the other things. I guess they did a full body scan on mom so know they know. Today my husband was informed that they found spots in the Pancrous. Now we know this is bad because spots in more then one place is not a good thing.
Tomorrow they will be doing a boispy of her lung. I am so stressed out by everything. Yesterday I was surprised when the Doctor told me my blood pressure was a healthy normal and was the lowest reading in 3 years. That is a good thing I guess, maybe my dietary changes have actually done me a lot of good and maybe not taking my asthma meds how I should has help. I know one of my meds causes that trouble, not a good side effect. I got home last night, and decided I would rest.
Today I woke up and i was so stiff that I couldn’t walk, it hurt to walk, or sit or just about anything. I decided to take the day off, workman comp will not pay for it but I rather take the day off today. I don’t need the rest of the week and honestly I am surprised I didn’t just go in today.
I did not have anything broken when is a good thing, not something my husband and I could handle right now.

I am a little annoyed to be polite, and really don’t know what to do. I have talked about my temp job a few times and the temp company but not naming it. In away I hope they figure out this is my blog so they can fire me if they like, and feel like giving them a reason to fire me. I am very temped to just tell them to take their temp assignments and shove it.
The other day I was called about a different job and seemed like it was promised to me. I was happy because I felt I was a good fit, and they told me I was too. The next day another person calls me telling me they decided to place someone else in the position and not me. I was like oh, okay. I couldn’t help but feel frustrated because the night before I was thanked for how good of a job I been doing at a company that I am not fond of. I have continue the assignment even through I am not comfortable there and I have said nothing.
I am starting to think I might need to say some about why I am not comfortable but I am not sure I should. I don’t want them thinking I am making up something when I am not. They already know I don’t like it but yet they haven’t asked me why.
I am so tired of being yelled at there and having things said to me I would rather not hear. Like, gee it smells like a marker and then hearing that oh I farted. I said gee thanks for sharing and lift it at that. Then he said something like you should see my underwear. Comments are made like this often there, and I try to ignore it because honestly I need the income more then comfort. I am just at my I have had it with everything and being treated like a second rate citizen by my temp company. I am hoping my interview I have soon goes well because if it don’t I think I might do something premature and put my self with out a job.
How can they praise you one minute and then tell you in not so many words your personality is defective. Well if they could tell me what’s wrong with my personality maybe I could fix it, but they never give anything solid, so how can I change what is offensive to them. Maybe there nothing wrong with my personality.

Today I worked, I really wished I didn’t go in. They sat us today by a couple of machines which are very loud. Loud enough to make me have a headache after sitting there for about 2 hours. I stayed there as long as I could, and finally had to go home because I just couldn’t handle the noise anymore. I am surprised they don’t provide us with ear plugs there when we are working there. I am close to 2 of the 3 machines, and they are all very load, by the end of the day I could not hear anything anyone was saying, I was trying to read lips, and trust me I can’t do read lips.
They moved us back where we normally seat at by end of the day, but by the time we moved, my head hurt and my hears were plugged or something. I have good hearing or maybe I should say had good hearing. When I got home I just wanted quite, and I wanted something to snack on and to just rest.
My car radio was one but it sounded very loud so I turned it off, then got home and the tv was frozen on the same picture so I just lift it there, and for a while. My ears feel better now, probably going to need to get some wipes to clean my ear from all the wax I build up from working at this place. I am sure this week will probably be the end of the assignment for know.

Today at work it was fairly slow. One of their machines broke down which was needed for the mail I stuff. There are 2 of us there right now. I won’t be there very much longer, it’s the nature of being a temp. We had to seal the rest of them today. Good thing our supervisor had something for us to do.
I guess they printed everything out with out a bar code and then went and stuff them. We had to open each envelop and take out the paper. Not to hard to do but boy did it take a long time to do it.
When we was done with that it was a little before 1pm and the girl said there was nothing else to do, and lift. Our supervisor had it and told her I could have it. Heck I will take it right now I need as many hours as I can get just in case I am not there next week. It looked like a lot but it only kept me busy for just over a hour. Well at least I got most of a day of work in today.
This job I am working right now is going to cause muscle growth, which isn’t a bad thing. I do a lot of lifting and standing and repeative motion.

I am almost everyday on one of the employment sites. I am looking for a new job, and my temp companies are all looking also, you’d think I would be able to find something. I had a friend from church suggest a place that a virtual call center, which is a work at home. The problem with the company is it not telling you watch your doing. Changing my cellphone plan wouldn’t be to hard to do, I can make it unlimited but the problem is I would probably want another cellphone or a land line for this because I don’t want my primary number being my work number also. This wouldn’t be wise, I am not sure I can have phone only set at certain times to take calls for work.
I have been on so much looking for jobs that my memory is no longer working well. I can’t remember what I applied for because everything is starting to look the same. Sometimes I am not sure if it just similar to what one of my companies shared with me but ended up being unfruitful. It is frustrating to be with out a job right now because not many places are hiring and some of the place which are I have about 90 percent of what they want and the other 10 percent I am not familiar with or have used it very little.
I have been a applying for things I think I am a close fit for but might need a little more learning sometimes companies will accept people who aren’t 100 percent of everything they’ve listed. I just hope soon I get a call from a company I apply for. I have gotten a couple of calls from companies that are financial type companies I would be good at it but I can’t give them 100 to 200$ for their classes and licensing, so I can’t do it, and I am not about to take a loan out. Plus most of those are commission jobs and I think that would be to risky for my husband and I, he tried it and it didn’t work for him, plus I am not a sales person so I would fall flat on my face probably. I know no risk means I might never get anywhere but I also must follow where I know I will not fail flat out.

Today I got a call from one of the staffing coordinators of my temp company. I do not think I will take a survey again from them, expecially since they know who fills them out. I do not think it’s a good idea for companies to know which employee says what if it is a survey. I had a few issues with my company but didn’t feel like going into it on the form or with one of their staff members.
I just don’t trust them, when they say if you take this assignment we will still look for a better assignment for you. Especially, when they say things that sometimes sound contrary to what they said a little while ago. I have caught them in what people call white lies. Yes I am looking for a job and sending out resumes, I am not a sales person so I won’t apply for that. This week I was called and asked if I wanted to go back to a client. To be I didn’t but I would have had it not been for my husband saying you need to fix the muffler this week. It was sent to me as only a week long assignment only maybe with a chance of being longer. Considering my van needs a couple things done to it I agree and decided to tell her. You know I would rather wait until something better opens up, but in the mean time I am going to get my car fixed. I let her know I am working for him for labor and that after my car was returned I would be happy to go their next week if they needed me.
I honestly do not want to go back to that company it pays a lot lower then I want, and I don’t always get the hours I need. So maybe this will be a wise idea. During my conversation I told them I understood that the job market is bad right now and I am looking to. They told me when it was slow they looked for other clients and that they had one who they contacted who they think I might be good with. Okay, I heard them out, and I think it might be a good idea. I am honestly glad I didn’t leave any comments because they are less likely to retaliate because I said something.
Now heres my question I like to take notes when they offer or talk about different jobs. Why do I have at least 10 ink pens and a bunch of mechanical pencils but I can’t never seem to find them when I need them. It is amazing, I know I put my pencil next to my Hebrew Binder last night after I was done studying, but yet I can’t seem to find one. I am still stuck on a word, maybe I should see if I can find a online dictionary for Hebrew where I can enter my word there. Yes I do have a program that will let me type in Hebrew if I felt it was a good thing to do and have used it on a couple of boards.

I thought working fast and with good quality is what companies wanted but I am back at square one again. Just great, how am I supposed to go back to college if I can’t keep working. Today my temp company called me to find out how things where going, they asked me if I was scheduled to return next week to my assignment. I said Yes at the time because no one talked to me about not returning next week.
Well I went to talk to one of the supervisors on my job site make sure I was coming back next week. She told me no we are to far ahead and would only have one person coming in. I am a little annoyed, I work hard and complete more then the other person does with no problem. I am a hard worker! I don’t mess around to often and I take maybe 15 minute break through out the day, just when I need them. So I work 7 or 8 hours every day and only take 15 minutes at a maximum. This is my chose not to take a half hour lunch break or two ten minute breaks, I don’t really need it for the type of work I am doing.
I was told all last week and this week slow down, I did slow down a lot. I even decided to cut my work hours down to 30 to 32 hours a week in hopes this would keep me working.
I get in on time, I am not late, and if I was I don’t think they realize it unless I came in after 8am, which I come in usually around 7am.
I work for a temp company, who placed me at this assignment. The assignment doesn’t use any of my skills, and it well frankly honestly not something I wanted to do, but I did it to help out my company. Even though I dislike what I was doing I worked with the same level of enthusiasms as if it was a job I loved.
After I found out they chose the other person over me. I felt a little annoyed because I feel my work is better then theirs because I actually work and normally get more done. I know sounds unkind. I texted my husband during one of my small breaks and told him I needed a personality transplant or something. To be honest when I am in a temp assignment, I don’t really want to make friends or try to make connections with people. Why go through the time of making friends when you might not be there for more then a month or two. So Monday they had a potlock thing, I went up but didn’t really engage into anyone. I am slightly shy, and didn’t know anyone there and the people I knew I didn’t have enough in common with them.
I know, I was told that if they needed more help I would be called in. I would like to know how am I to go back to college, and pay bills if I am not working consistently. I told my supervisor today that I was willing to in that position because at least I can pay for college and my other bills, and then get back into college. It seems like every time I get to a point where I can move ahead suddenly it like, I have to take several steps back. I have been looking for work but jobs aren’t exactly the easiest thing to come by right now.
I am not a sales person I know this already, I have tried a few times. To bad finding the right job isn’t like finding the right electronics. Once you know what you enjoy you can pick it out and buy it then it yours. Jobs are a little different, you can pick a job but you know you have to sell yourself to them. They have to pick you along with them being picked.

I am having one of those weeks, where I did something but have no clue what. The end of last week my ankle started to hurt badly after taking a couple of steps. I payed no mind to it normally I don’t complain about hurting, why do it, it’s not going to stop hurting because I talk about it. Well Friday night I was limping fairly badly at church, and decided I wouldn’t follow my husband around like his puppy dog for the evening and would wait for him to be done chatting to everyone. I figure they want to talk to me they can come to me, although I did go and talk to a couple of people but those are the special people to me.
I was talking to one of the ladies at church who said the same thing happened to her and it was tendonitis. Well, I figured wrap it for a couple of days and it aught to be fine. Yesterday I didn’t wrap it until after it started hurting. Today at work, I started limping. I told the young lady I was working with something about the pain I was having. When she got up to get her stuff for stuffing envelops she gave me a supply to and told me if I needed more to let her know. That was nice of her, because normally I don’t say anything about pain and just deal with it. Tomorrow I wonder how I will be able to stand a good portion of the day doing the sealing of the envelops if I am still in pain. I am not sure why but it seems today it just was a lot worst then the other days.
I can’t even go and work out on ellipticals in our exercise room. I probably could go swimming but with them saying storms are moving in, I would rather not take the chance of swimming maybe I can tomorrow.

Okay I just don’t get it. How do I not take it personally, when I am hearing it a personality conflict. It make me feel like their is something wrong with me, consistently being rejected by companies. I know they didn’t say it was a personality fit with the company but with my long term goals. To be honest I am not sure how it’s a personality conflict if it’s that I actually have a goal in life that more then sitting on my behind at a disk taking phone calls. Yes I want to go back to college and get my degree then move on to my master program. Gee you would think a company would want someone with a long term goal but I guess not.
I have no clue how to interview well with these people, if you say you have no goals then they don’t want to hire you, because you have no outlook or ambition. If you say you have goals because you won’t die with the company years later they don’t want to hire you. I have been asked question why I have went to college and not completed, it’s like because my family and I have had a few struggles and I have had to take time off of college, it’s like I am a quitter, which I am not. Yes I drop out of Bible college several years ago, and honestly I never tell interviewers why I drop out because frankly the reason why would really cause me to be looked over even though it been dealt with and what happened wasn’t my fault.
The second time I took time off my husband and I both lost our assignments and weren’t going to met rent unless I were to help pay it. Sorry school or have a roof over head, I will choose the roof over head. The first college experience was horrible, and frankly I would never go back to Bible college.
I learned some real true hurtful things, and lets just put it this way if that their G-d no thanks….. You don’t blame someone who’s been harmed by what happened to them, even if they brought it on themselves because they where simply to trusting. Also you don’t tell your students your to stupid to learn anything, or G-d can never use them because they are not talented enough. Yes I had to drop out, it wasn’t a healthy environment for me, and frankly by the time I left that school I had no confidence. When I meet my husband by much encouraging from him, I went back to school. He has been my G-d send because he been there for me, he tutored me in English which I struggle with and help me be able to see things in a different way. At my new college I have managed to get mostly A and B with a C or two and a D in one class. But I have done well with this type of learning because it independent learning which is good for me.
Before I can go back to school I have to pay them from when I took time off unexpectedly. I didn’t plan to take time off and been wanting to go back for months. I have attempted to make payments but making those payments don’t come easy, when suddenly you find out, your going to be with out a job.
One good thing has came out of this time of waiting, it looks like the company I am on assignment with wants to keep me long term, yes I hate what I am doing but on the other hand it will allow me to pay my college shortfall and then I can get back to college and take the rest of my classes I am 14 month away, and as long as my husband stays working I can do it finally.
I am trying to be positive. I know many people have tried telling me to sell stuff, well I am not a sales person. I have tried it in the past and fall flat on my face, so I know this isn’t a good career option, what I really want to be doing is helping people. Hopefully one day I will get to that point.