Just Pass Me By

I have been with my company for just over a year, and it going well. I still love my job. I have hardly wrote about my job because I can’t do that, because of confidentiality laws. I work with Autistic children who are somewhere between the ages of 2 years and 6 years old. I have changed my schedule to work Monday through Friday from 830am until 12pm, because I take care of hubby dad. My other schedule he just couldn’t get used to, and it seemed I was missing a lot of work in the afternoon. I got tired of it because I want to go to work, so I figured if I lift earlier in the morning he would still be sleeping until I got home. This so far has worked well.
It is so nice not having to hear about my coworkers sex life like at the other jobs I had before this. The best thing about my coworkers I work with people who are similar to me, and some of them have some of the same goals I have. I love working with the children and watching them develop new skills, or listen to them talk.
Things have been going so well there, and I am glad, I really enjoy what I do and you know it don’t matter this is the lowest paying job I have had in like 10 years. But hey I’d rather be happy, now I wonder what my business management degree will help with maybe it’s like free seo software great for something and sometimes you don’t figure it out.

If I hug you, do I get my way. I am fairly sure this is what one of my little kids thinks who I work with. I expect a lot from the children I work with, but I am also sometimes a little to helpful and I’ve been working on not being so helpful. I hate it but lets face it when they leave this program they won’t have someone there to do everything for them so I aught not.
One of my kids will smile at me then kick me, ouch my legs are starting to feel just a little tender. Oh well. Lately when some of them don’t want to do something challenging they start hugging me. I almost wonder if they think, maybe if I hug her she’ll feel bad for making work hard. I hate to say it I don’t feel bad, sometimes I want to help them and have to fight the urge to do so.
The best thing is seeing a child face lite up when they did something for the first time, or when it gets easier for them to do the activity. I love watching their faces when they finally make a connection. Sometimes it hard when they don’t wanna try.
Some times it helps to have the cardboard display for different activities, to show them what it aught to look like. I love my job and so glad I am doing it. Wow I been there for over 6 months and still love it!

I haven’t posted about work in forever, it’s a good thing, plus I can’t say much about it anyways. My job I have to hold a lot more confidentiality because of who I work for. I am still there after 4 months wow it’s amazing it’s the longest job I have had since temping and it’s not temping. I haven’t messed many days, other then when I first started and a couple of months ago, I actually want to be there and look forward to going into work.

So what am I doing know, I work with Autistic Children. Some of the kids are hard to deal with some of them are every easy and for the most it depends on the days. I like everyone kid I have worked with for the most I like all the staff I work with to, I have to admit there is one there who just simply rubs me the wrong way but I don’t care, there’s always someone like that at every job I have had. For the most everyone I work with is very nice.

I get to play outside, in the gym and get to play all day long at my job, even when we are teaching skills so my job always fun, and shoot I don’t need a Slimquick Cleanse plan now because I am doing good at losing weight or slimming down. I have remained the same after losing 10 pounds from my high, and now I am staying at the same weight but losing clothes sizes. It’s frustrating I want lose about 30 to maybe 40 pounds depends how I look after 30, now what I disagree with is the weight chart of our government. I have weighed that little and seriously look extremely thin, and my bones showed throw, which is never a good thing! I doubt they take into consideration people who are simply different shaped then a little tiny model who isn’t portraying the true people.

I will admit the pay at my new job sucks but shoot I wouldn’t quit it for nothing because I love it. I think a job that you enjoy and love sometimes makes up for the lack of being paid a living wage, and I am okay with that. The nicest thing I do not have to hear any of my surprivor asking about going out and getting drunk or doing other not so becoming things of themselves which is nice.

I have been at my new job for about a month and it still going good. I have found I am having a hard time connecting with people and wanting to make friendships with other coworkers. I am always worried that this might not last as long as I want to, or something dumb, I know I am always getting positive feed back, but it seems the last 2 years of switching jobs has really caused me trouble.
I really enjoy playing with the kids and interacting with them. It fun sometimes it is challenging, I got a new pair of shoes to help me with the kids in the gym and make things a little faster for me. Recently I have started offering someone a ride home, and that has helped me connect with at least someone who I work with. I think one of my personal goals is to be more out going and try to be friendlier or attempt to make friends here. I don’t want people thinking what they did at the last long job I had. Just because I am a little on the shier side and uneasy around people doesn’t make a snoop just makes me well maybe shy to a point. I am not overly shy but I can be fairly shy when I do not know people, good thing I do not sell insurance quote, I would never earn money. I love my job and it’s going great.

Let me say, I wish I would have stayed a sleep this morning and simply not got out of bed. Yeah I have had a very good day. I got up this morning on time, and started my van no problems there, other then the battery was a little low. I got dressed no problems there, feed the dog no problems there. I got dressed and out to the van and it looked liked the van charged up the battery some so I was hopeful to have a great day. Maybe when I had that stupid fish eating song up in my head I should have realized I was in trouble. I need a vacation at a extended stay hotels with padded walls My morning had a deceiving start off today.
I went on my way to work, and right away my battery power drop to less then half I wasn’t to worried about it because my van been doing that a lot lately. I knew the check engine light was on which was worrying me and I was planning on bring it in for a check up when I got paid and could pay my mechanic. I guess the van had other plans, I got about 5 1/2 miles and ding, with the lovely red check gags I checked and sure enough my battery was blinking at me. I got to a parking lot which was a park in ride. I called hubby had to wait close to an hour, it wasn’t even above 0 yet. So by the time hubby got there I was frozen.
Well I noticed my glove compartment was stuck and I decided I would try to get it unsticked. Not a good idea today, I ended up getting a stupid comb stuck in my middle finger. Yeah I think I just might lose my nail stupid thing been bleeding almost all day and boy it smarts. Ouch, Not a good day. It one of those combs which have the thick and thin teeth and I got the thick one stuck in my nail all the way up into it. Ouchie…. I called into work let them know I was going to be late yet again because my Alternator in the van crapped out, and was waiting for hubby to come and get me.
I get to work at the time I tell them I would be there, okay that is doing good for me, lately. The morning shift went okay I got my kid to do something he hadn’t done yet. He went into the ball pit with me, and played. Good I thought my day was getting better. The jokes on me.
During the lunch hour I did lunch hour with the kids. Don’t get me wrong I love kids and they are all sweet but Come on! Don’t kick me when I am already down. I had a little one who decided it would be good to aim at me and pee on me! Ugh Great!!! What am I the toilet, last time I looked I not white porcelain! Okay at least he only got my sweater and his paints and thank the good L-rd they have a washer and drier there.
I was both of our clothes, and needed up being in a T-shirt, why didn’t I think about keeping my coat on.
Okay no big deal had to walk outside with nothing but t-shirt on, not pleasant but I keep a good attitude to be honest I wanted to go home pretty badly after lunch. I didn’t know anything about my van because the tow truck never called me and it wasn’t there when I called during my lunch hour.
Great! Finally around 4ish my mechanic calls me and tells me the car just arrived, and he would get to it later tonight, never did but that’s okay. He can do it tomorrow.
So my day wasn’t pleasant but you know it’s better then my bad days when I worked in an office at least I can laugh at it.
I broke down, shoved a comb in my nail, froze halfway solid, got peed on. This has been quiet a day I am ready for it to be over!

Simply not possible is the best way to say it. I give my all at everything I do, and I am a perfectionist but at the same time I know when something is beyond my capabilities. Recently I ran into a situation which made me feel uncomfortable and maybe a little stress. To begin with I do not like reading out loud especially around my peers but with my kids I work with I will do it and not get to upset about doing so. I would just like to know how someone can expect another person to read a language they have no real experience with, and never took any lessons with, I speak English and sometimes that questionable.
I was reading to one of the children I work with, and they was pointing at the Spanish, so I said Oh I don’t read Spanish only English. Some one told me pretty much read it anyways. I was like well I don’t know Spanish, and got told well try. How do you try to read a language you clearly do not read!!! It’s not like it’s Hebrew or German where I have had more experience and might have a better changes BSing my way through it. How could any one expect me to read Spanish when I never took a class in Spanish, or well frankly don’t speak it, now I do know enough to understand certain letters do not have the same sounds as they do in English. That’s simply expecting to much, there is no way I could accomplish reading Spanish! I guess I am a perfectionist on things I know I can accomplish.
Today I decided to talk to one of my supervisor. Even though I talked to the lead person in the room I still felt stressed out something would show up on my eval in a few months. I was encouraged to day and don’t feel exactly stressed about it and I am starting to make friends at work. Normally I try not to talk to many people when I am new at a company, fear it won’t last long. Now I want this to last a long time, maybe until I move back out west when ever that happens. Its like office furniture once you find a piece that you feel comfortable with you don’t want to get raid of it. I am glad so far I am getting positive things said about me because that means I can keep doing what I am doing and learn how to improve and not feel so worried about losing a job I like.

I started my new job, yesterday was watching the room and just observing what happens. I am working with the kids one on one and I enjoy doing that type of work. In my am in class the child is less responsive but a very sweet kid, he stuck on books which is good but at the same time can be a little bit of a challenge for them.
My second kid of the day was very verbal, and liked to talk and share he needed a little bit of redirection, but nothing more then most kids do when I do children worship.
We are expected to play with the kids, and show them how to play. This is challenge for me because I am not exactly a thin girl. I say I need to lose about 50 pounds to feel comfortable there and even than I am tall enough that *lol* in some places it won’t matter if I was as thin as a rail. I am glad to be working there, because it seems to be the right fit for me. It’s not like some places where I have worked and I just want to run away but a place I do not mind staying around and seeing if I am needed to help more. I think I will say this job has done me a lot of good.
But I hope I don’t get stuck in their play equipment I can just see the fire department needing to come and rescue me out of something! I will probably start dropping weight because playing and running after kids will do that, plus I have walking the dog as a added benefit.
I also found out they won’t be holding my pay for a pay period which is a relief for me. I might decided once I get used to working there to pick up a few extra shifts. I love my new job and can’t remember the last time I came home from work feeling, like I did something good. The job works well for me because I am helping kids learn and working with children who need a little extra help.

Yes I sound like the kid who wants it’s way now and not later. I had a interview last week, and was hoping to find out information by Friday, I got a email Friday telling me they still haven’t made any decisions. I know the job I would be good at and it would probably be so much better then where I am currently working, or not working since they aren’t giving me any work. I am so sick of Temp companies I could cry. It amazing when I first started to work there I had confidence and I felt confident in my ability as a whole, I was comfortable in my skin with the Yes I need to improve and strengthen things but now I feel like overly nervous and unsure of my self. It’s amazing how rejection can do that but I understand it. This job would be great because it would be working with children with special needs, and I love children. It would be great as far as going for my master in counselling after I finally complete my degree in Business management. Why the business management degree. I been told enough times not to get the doctorate in Psychology, because it worthless with out a higher degree and well a business degree would be great for me because it opens more door not to mention that if I eventually want to open my own counseling center I can, I will have a degree and knowledge of how to create my business and how to run it. I am gaining the tools I need.
I was talking to someone at church the other day, and she told me that I am the type who gives 110% and been through a lot of rejection and so on and so forth and was worried about how I would handle being rejected from this job. To be honest if I am rejected it’s going to hurt and it will be yet another disappointment but I know there is something out there and I will continue looking and trying.
The thing is my job isn’t going to make me who I am, neither will my husband or his father who is know living with us. Sometimes finding a job is like using diet pills it takes awhile to finally get the result you wanted and if you give up you’ll never get the result you wanted. So I will just keep pushing on and maybe find somewhere to go to rebuild my confidence because that will need help. Now I know when I lift I had some positive feedback so I have a little bit of hope but I won’t get my hopes to up there.

Yesterday I got a call to work a one day job. It was preparing stuff. Okay no big deal and well I am going to need gas money and this would give it. I have a interview tomorrow so if I get this job I am going to need the money in my bank account to fill up on gas. Hopefully my van gas will last at least a week, if not I am going to be in trouble.
Last night dad was saying your not going in tomorrow, I said yes I am, I need to work. So this morning he got up bright and early and told me to call him when I got to work. Okay what good does a cell phone do if you don’t keep it near enough to you to answer it. So I get to work, and call him to times. Then my hubby texts me, Dad’s not answering his phone. Okay well there nothing I can do I am trying to work here, I kindof realize today that anything more than part time will not be good.
Today I spent the day, getting shipping boxes ready to be sent out. It a simple job but my feet hurt now. When I lift I went to call dad to let him know I was on my way home. No answer again. Okay, no big deal I be home shortly enough.
So I head home, and get home he had his phone in the living room and he’s in the dining room but can’t hear it. Okay that’s a problem, so I turned it up on 7 and found a sound he could hear in his phone.
Tomorrow I will go for my interview probably at about 9am and be there by 10am as long as the roads aren’t bad I should arrive early.

I can say I am just not getting anywhere in the job market, and kind of getting tired of all the rejection letters, but I still keep plugging away. Today I sent out yet another letter to follow up on my resume. Okay no big deal, I will keep looking. For the most I am used to getting the same general type of email, or no response at all, when it comes to sending out follow up letters. I will say it was a nice letter but interesting I have never ran into this with any other employeers, so I will give the person creativity points.
The person pretty much told me, they hired someone else.. Okay no intesting there, but they also told me, I pretty much should prosue music, because it seems to be my first love, and one day maybe they hear me on the radio.
I couldn’t help but laugh about it and shake my head… I was in class waiting for our professor to start our class, good thing I wasn’t on abar stools I would have fall off. Yes on my resume I includes my hobbies and music is one of them and yes it is one of my first love but lets face it that was a dream and dreams get broken. I not saying I gave up, I am saying that I have to have a job that actually makes money, because my dream hasn’t came true. Singing in church don’t make it possible, shoot and that an whole other can of worms… Now I do write and use my talents but shoot it a impossible career to get into. My end goal is to eventually get my master in councilling and use my music on the side. In the mean time I need a job. At least today in class I learned something I found interesting. I was told I should change my resume style or customize my resume for each company. Get their attention right away, okay now that’s a little hard.